Not Just a Weightloss Blog

dianetriesharder:

Is that REALLY what they chose to put out on their first day.
FUCKKKK this. 

(Source: elisaskin)

skinnyfitandsexy:

mymindpalaceisatardis:

viacherbourgandqueenstown:

It’s that time of month again… you know what that means…

BEST DESCRIPTION OF A PERIOD I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE

^ agreed

(via gettingfit-onedayatatime)

whistlingbones:

GPOY

(Source: aliceslooking-glass, via bodyconfidencerocks)

Worry About Your Own Uterus:   (via veruca-assault)

“Worry about your own uterus” wise  wise words.

(via triplash)

(Source: dakotawhatever, via bodyconfidencerocks)

You know you have issues when you don’t go to a highly anticipated social event because hardly any of your clothes fit.

Tomorrow marks the beginning of orientation week at uni. The week where you meet people and hopefully makes friends with those who will be in your cohort for the next three to four years. I wanted to spend this summer working on myself physically and mentally so that o week isn’t as daunting as it was once before. I still haven’t overcome the mental block that developed when I broke my foot and gained back all of the weight I had previously lost. I feel like such a failure and like I just cannot pick myself back up from it. I’ve been dragging myself to the gym 1 to 2 times a week since December, occasionally 3 times, never enjoying it and only feeling more frustrated with myself. I lack inspiration and motivation. I’ve been bouncing from eating normally to bingeing, to dieting, to bingeing again. I’ve been telling myself that this needs to stop for months already. It’s now March and I’m no better off physically or mentally. In fact, sometimes I wonder if I’m worse off.

I’ve gone from the girl who would smile at everyone at work, even those I rarely see, to the girl who ducks her head and avoids eye contact, simply because she’s ashamed to be seen. I think that also contributes to my dislike of going to work, something which I used to enjoy. Now I hate it. After experiencing that self-confidence, I now know what I’m missing and that makes it so much worse. My clothes are tight, some are way too tight to even consider wearing. I feel disgusted with myself when I look in the mirror. I did not envision feeling this way when o week came around.

I have really disappointed myself. I have tried to pull myself up so many times already, sometimes halfheartedly, sometimes with every fibre of my being. I need to get my shit together and fast. I need to start waking up looking forward to the day instead of wishing I had never ever woken up at all. I know losing weight isn’t the key to fixing my problems, but a healthy lifestyle is the only way to begin fixing them. Regular gym work that I enjoy and good food with some occasional bad food. That’s what worked before and needs to work again. I know no other way.

Yesterday morning, Sherri and I did a free crossfit intro session. I’ve been meaning to for a while but its taken a long time to get the courage up to give it a go. After a late night of sugar comas and the cinema, we both dragged our butts to crossfit at 7:45am.

It was a very small place but seemed okay equipment/facility-wise - my usual gym is small by most standards and this was a lot smaller than that. I’m not sure how I felt about the people, they seemed nice but the whole situation intimidated me thus effecting my perception of them. I felt even fatter and more unfit than ever, which I expected to feel.

The ‘warmup’ itself nearly killed me. First off was a jog around the block. My first attempt at jogging since before I broke my foot, so since September/October 2012. It was bloody hard. I hard to stop and walk a few times. It was probably only a few hundred metres too. Sherri stuck with me, even though she could have blasted the socks off the guys running at the front. The next part was 300 wall balls with a 6kg wall. We had to take turns with our partner and get 150 each to make up the 300. I really struggled with this, I had bad timing and just found it very difficult. Sherri ended up doing some of my 150. I really wanted to quit right then and there. I went from being able to squat reasonably deep to being barely able to bend my legs, so my form was horrid.

Now for the real shit. We had to do as many rounds as possible of 10 tyre flips (with our partner), 20 thrusters (10 each) and 30 situps (15 each). We managed almost 5 rounds in 25 minutes (15 situps off), which I think was the most in the class because we finished the wall balls quicker than others. Sherri was an absolute beast and constantly amazed me the whole time. Without her constant encouragement I would have quit 10 times over. I felt tired, nauseous (the tiny breakfast I had kept reminding me it was still there) and just completely out of my depth. Several times I thought I would vomit. However, I think I did enjoy it. At least the after-exercise endorphins erased some of the painful memories.

The aftermath: I have never felt such intense muscle soreness in my life. It’s mostly my legs and bum, which I was already feeling during the crossfit session itself. I also erased the hardwork with Maccas breakfast. I haven’t had a Maccas breakfast since maybe 2005? The last time we drove to Queensland anyway. I was craving a hashbrown something shocking and decided to try a bacon and egg mcmuffin too. It tasted amazing but threatened to come back up for the rest of the day. Good job Rhiannon, go and just about kill yourself at crossfit then go eat Maccas. Then I went home and had the most amazing, glorious nap ever. And ate crap for the rest of the day. Because its me.

Would I do crossfit again? I think so. But not quite yet. I really need to work on my fitness a little more at least to the point where I don’t rely on Sherri nearly so much. Hopefully they will have another bootcamp soon so we can do that. Another prohibiting factor is the timetable. At the other box we were looking at, cost was the main problem ($33 per week plus >$100 for the fundamentals classes). This place is pretty good cost-wise ($24 per week for students and a smaller cost for their fundamentals program) but has a really crappy timetable, so to speak. We both are going to have trouble doing evenings, Sherri even moreso than me. That’s when the bulk of the classes are. I would love more classes during the day and on the weekend, of which there is very little.  There always has to be something. Overall I’m glad we took the plunge to give this place a go after the awkward dealings with the other box.

So I’m still in a bad-eating funk, but I’m feeling much more motivated going to the gym. I’ve been doing spin class several times a week for the last month, but I didn’t feel it was enough to warrant a post. Even though I feel like I’m constantly failing, it shouldn’t been that I don’t post on here.

Today was crappish food-wise, the boyfriend and I went out for lunch so I ate a bit more than I normally would for lunch. It was nice afternoon though and I’m glad we went where we did :) We also went to pump tonight, where I used the bar to squat (yay!) and even managed some body weight lunges, holding a bar vertically for a little bit of balance and support. A step to normalcy. I also did spin yesterday morning, which was good.

Tomorrow I’m going to spin in the morning, running some errands, relaxing and then heading off to work. The day has potential to good :)

I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. Not being able to do everything I want to is no excuse to be fucking lazy and eat like a pig. I’ve started some of my binging behaviours again, the hiding of food that I later stuff down my throat, the pretending I didn’t have lunch so I can have another lunch. The best way to combat this seems to be calorie-counting and hitting the gym. When I exercise consistently, I feel a bit better about my body and tend to be a little more aware of what i’m putting into it - even when I do make silly allowances for things I shouldn’t have. I have a whole different way of thinking, which is hard to explain. I need that back, it was much healthier physically/mentally for me to think that way.

So what if I can’t just go do a step class when I feel like? Or that I can’t go and squat more than 5kg without pushing too hard. I can still spin, walk and do upper-body weights. I hate this feeling sorry for myself. Rather than cracking it and giving up because I can’t go and challenge myself in the squat rack, I need to do these things that I can do.

Therefore I am aiming to do some exercise 6 days a week, even if it is just a walk.Hopefully this will help put me in a better frame of mind and allow me to control my diet better.I have 86 days til I’m back at uni and even busier than I am now. I need to capitalise on these days and make sure I am back into healthy habits by the time uni starts.

Tomorrow I have a pretty full-on day ahead. I need to be up at 5:30 to get ready for work, then I have a birthday lunch to attend, things to go pick up and fish tanks to clean. Hopefully the weather will let me go for a walk in the evening when everything else is done.

Monday: morning spin class.

Tuesday: walk and evening pump class.

Wednesday: morning spin class.

Thursday: walk?

Friday: morning spin class.

Saturday: morning weights.

This is the tentative plan for the week. I think part of my relutance to exercise is due to the fact my HRM transmitter is dead. I can’t get the stupid battery out to replace it, and neither can the people who change batteries in watches. Seems stupid, but I’ve become so used to having it there :( Need to forget about it and just do it. I also need to start posting on here more, even if it does seem like a pointless post that I later delete.

Yesterday I decided to take my nana’s dog for a walk. People have been commenting that I still have a slight limp, which I haven’t even noticed. I’m thinking it could be habit, so I went for a walk and concentrated on trying not to limp. When I was almost finished, a huuuuuge earwig appeared on my arm out of no where and scared the shit out of me, causing me to drop the leash, dance around, realise the dog was still trotting forward, then lunge forward to step on the leash. I ended up rolling the ankle of my bad foot in the process. Sigh. So it’s been a sore, which is annoying. The bone itself is fine though, that’s the main thing.

I also had my regular B12 shot yesterday at my GP. He hadn’t been informed of my broken foot, despite me giving his details as requested. I gave him the 101 on how it happened and how it was treated. He mentioned that he would have put it in a boot instead of a cast. I nearly cracked it right there and then. I wanted to go see him when I had the cast on, but my parents convinced me just to leave it with the doctor who started the treatment. I really wanted a boot, but oh well.

Today I went to the gym and did mostly upper body weights. I can really feel how much strength I have lost, which is annoying. I know it will slowly come back if I keep working at it, but its still disheartening. Just gotta keep plugging away.